You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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