He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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