you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize