I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
