My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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