I think I died a long time ago.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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