If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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