My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
