You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
