i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
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