we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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