I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
