Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
In America we eat man semen.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
