I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
