can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
