omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
