margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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