I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I want to fling myself into the sun
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
