You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
