OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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