I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We were destined to go to rehab together
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
