Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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