can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
