Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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