Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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