just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
the raccoons are back...
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