You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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