i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
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