just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
