It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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