dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
