Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize