hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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