We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
