In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
