After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She told me I should be a condom model.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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