Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
