im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
