I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
