Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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