so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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