i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
