I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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