dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
