I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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