The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
