I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's rum buckets o'clock
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
soo... how was my night?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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