I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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