I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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