So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
