Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize