That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
