So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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