RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
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