Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
