you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
