I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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