FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
