i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
