i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
