so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize