Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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