Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
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Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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