I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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