So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
