I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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