Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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