Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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