The maid of honor just puked.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
