weddingsv make me drug and hornr
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
