just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
