Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
