I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
