If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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