Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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