I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
