so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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