You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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